The mundane routine has taken over so much in life, I am struggling to keep up with the task list of things I usually did for self which could be listed as dancing, reading and writing (In the same order).
However the below events were written for a friend who was involved in a project. The brief was to write 15 incidences describing our life . Here I am summing it up and blogging it for posterity.
1986: Born on Tuesday, termed as goddess of wealth by a member of family while the rest of the world frowned with disappointment of birth of a girl child instead of a boy to carry forward the family name.
1988: Welcoming a baby brother, fighting the jealousy for attention, experiencing the love of sibling & overwhelmed with the love of a joint family consisting of more than 15 people living under 1 roof unaware of what life has to throw up yet.
1991: An incident that killed the innocence in the child, expected to act adult when she would have rather preferred being grounded for eating sand while playing instead. Here she was trying to soothe her toddler brother while being a witness to the disharmony in family that changed her life for worse
1996: At a tender age of 10, the 1st experience of mental trauma while she watched her mother lie motionless for 2 days with doctors rushing around. The life never remained a happy picture for years after it. She stood there crying her heart out with a hope that her mother would wake up and make everything better
2000: With teen age came the responsibility of keeping the heart in check with all the peer pressure of falling love or face the truth of infatuation. She silently prayed for her prince to be ready to mount on the white horse, to sweep her off her feet & never ever wanting to turn back at the bitterness that life had served her all these years
2002: Love in the air, there was nothing more she wanted from life than spend her whole time in his arms, gazing stars and never to wake up if it was a dream. Life couldn’t have been more beautiful than the picture that she lived at the moment. Promises of being together till death does them apart, sealed with a kiss is what kept her going.
2004: The joy of 1st offer letter, a full time job at 18, the pleasure of able to afford the luxuries, by her definition which was limited to a goldclass tickets cuddling next to him and never have to worry at the moment. The next moment she lies on bed with her hand on her tummy trying to apologize to the unborn child which will be aborted in few minutes, all she did was plead for forgiveness and request to choose her again at a better time, bidding good bye had never been this painful
2007: The clock seemed to have turned back while she rejoiced being back at grandparents house, being loved and pampered by the family, which had celebrated her birth. She stayed on the generations' old wooden swing, the longing for a loving mother being diminished by the undivided attention of a grandmother which she cherished.
2008: She watched her grandfather surrender to death after fighting tumor. She watched him on bed, pale and shrunk after fighting for almost an year which felt like eternity. Losing the man who told her stories at night and always asked her to believe in her prince charming, he made the fairy tales a part of her and to believe its not the end if its not happy.
2009: A year to be etched in the memory as one of the most memorable and thankful year of life. A full-fledged post graduate degree with an approval for marrying the man who had promised to do so 10yrs ago. The light headed feeling of the marital status sinking in and never to be worried to rush to parents home after a romantic night.
2012: This close to giving up on life. Unable to express why the craving for motherhood killed her each day. Tired of being desperate to form a human being inside her womb, promise to look at the past mistake and hoping life gives her an opportunity to change the course of action for a life to take form inside her. Futile is what people termed her efforts and slowly did she began to agree with them until a miracle happened and she could feel the heartbeats her little one experienced inside her, responding to every promise she made to love the kid while she cajoled herself to sleep at the end of each day with a smile plastered on her face.
2013: Tiny angel who brought happiness in abundance and called her mamma. Holdingher close to her heart and never wanting to let go with that feeling of being content in life. Nothing more did she want in life. Promises are all she got to ensure her childhood nightmare stayed miles away from her precious daughter. An effort to correct everything that went wrong in her childhood by being a doting mother.
2014: Life is full of surprises and mysteries waiting to be lived and resolved, she bid good-bye to the extended family to build her small cozy nest with husband and daughter miles away in an unknown land. Fears gripping at her feet, depression made an entry to make her fear for her own life.
2016: Ringing her 30th birthday at the most romantic city in the world, Paris offered her the birthday present in the form of bring her the good news of her dream job in the land she refuses to call her own.
2017: She stands tall, gazing at her reflection, chaos in life she smiles and repeats ‘You have lived the worse nightmares, you survived all of them, you will survive everything that life has to offer and ensure being thankful when good times knock at your doorstep coz its always around the corner waiting to be found and lived’