'If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies'
At 30 I still look forward to those moments which gives me butterflies. 2 years ago on this day, I head to airport with the 2yr old baby in my arms dreading to take the 16hr journey all by ourselves. Given the only abroad trip I had ever made to in life was Thailand on work with the whole team (Yes, it was purely official trip and I did not watch any strip shows)
After 2 years, now when I look back, I am thankful that my husband introduced us to this life. The first few months or 1st year was spent crying my heart out, guilt ridden habits and confessions, suicidal thoughts and urge to give up on marriage and rush back to India.
Now I am thankful that I tackle my emotions slightly better than the past 29years. I also realised your career is not location dependent if you are determined and never stop aiming for that dream to come true, no matter if others call it delusion. I am in a happy place.
People still drop their jaws when I say my husband chose Ireland over Seattle, they do tell us we have lost our marbles. Given the fact US scares the hell out of me with regards to racism and safety, visiting 7 countries around Europe in the last 2 years, Ireland and Irish people stood out the best. You will realise only if you meet them once. Even today I am thankful when my flight lands in Ireland and I see those smiling faces who would always say 'Its such a lovely day' no matter how crap the weather is.
Irish taught me how to be grateful for everything you have, no matter how silly it sounds to others. Each day I step out, 90% of the people I come across would smile and wish you. I have met some amazing people, made few friends for life. I had immense support from those whom I hardly known for few weeks. I still get to hear that I do not fit the bill of typical Indian, I was recently told I swear way too much for an Indian standard (Oh do they know me!). I could never ask for a better country after India to call home. The people I interact on daily basis also informed me I have developed the Irish accent (Not complaining)
There are times when you do miss being away from people who would be there for you, after all there is a reason why you call them your support system. The last couple of months when health took a toll on me and I felt I would remain bed ridden for life, I wanted to run home but I wouldn't have been able to even make it to airport. Guess that is what makes you stronger, you fight your own battles.
Ireland brought us closer as couple as we were left with only with each other to tend to our wounds, joys, celebrations or disappointments of life. Given you head home at 5, no work mails or call and you are forced to spend weekends at home, the family grows closer. I doubt I would have ever been able to spend the quality time with my daughter in India the way I could do it here, the stage where I get to rejoice her every new learning and unlearning things. A typical weekend is spent watching animated movies, baking cakes together, each meal consisting of laughter and unlimited hugs and kisses. Its rare you would have to host people or rush to someone else's place as guests, which you would start being thankful for in life gradually.
Does this make me want to settle here for life? May be yes, may be not. Or I love my street side chats way too much to live on potatoes as chakhna post retirement. I would love to head back, but I do believe another couple of years in Ireland will help me turn into a better and humble person. I am sure the Irish love and affection would rub off on me and I would come to terms of loving everyone equally without being subjective of their origin or attributes. I am sure it will be Grand!