Friday, February 17, 2012

Floating Thoughts...

There are many instances which we want to revisit in Life. We do that by recalling memories, the same instances brings smile, tears & a satisfaction over what you have lived.

In the journey of life, you make acquaintances, friendship, relationship, love, commitment & sacrifices, need not be in the same order though. But being an Arian, I always cherish the "Me" time, time with self. Introspection, just to ponder over thoughts which has been disturbing for a while.

I have always been termed as selfish, I accept it with arrogance. Aren't we all the same. We need right people at the right time. I call few when I am low, whom I might never call to share the greatest joy (For joy we just look to the person next to us because no one regrets being a part of it). I do the same.

On every yearly occasion, like New Year, Birthdays, Valentines Day, Anniversary I look back over the past and wonder how I have improved. Have I learnt the lesson of being dependent on people & project myself to be independent enough? Relationships are part of life, few wanted, few unwanted & few categorized under Destiny. For me, every relationship which doesn't exist anymore falls under Destiny & I prefer to move on.

The real & true feelings towards such acquaintances and relationship is weighed during "Me" time, you admit what you wanted & chased & learnt, which you will deny to the world. Ego, pride, status, society everything around influences your acceptance.

Recently experienced the concept of Slytweets..Tweets indirectly pointing at people, knowing the person will read it. Unfortunately have followed the same in real life, with gestures, actions, Fb status updates too. Name changes, the concept still remains the same. The feelings which you could blurt out directly but pride & ego ensures it is spoken through your status updates in social Media. The objective remains the same, you want the targeted person to know what you feel about them.

Irrespective of realizing that few things, people & relationship are not meant in your life, you still shed tears, wonder why it happened in the first place if it was never meant to be? Why know each other when you have to turn strangers? Why crave for 1 moment of joy and ignore the 100 reasons to smile? We all do this, because Life is about Human for us & Human cannot live without expectations, be it even expecting your dog to run to you when you reach home & if doesn't you cant stop wondering why? Signs, intuitions, gut feelings that Something are Right, some induce fear & fright.

Going through such numerous emotions everyday, every hour, we grow up, emotionally mature, learn to let go off certain things, people & relations which are not meant to be, embrace the moments which life throws at you.

"Mann yeh sahib ji, jaane hai sab ji, phir bhi banaye bahaane"

Friday, February 10, 2012

I, Me, Myself!

Thsi Blog is dedicated to self and desreves one as the Quarter Century ends! Down with 1 Tequilla, 2 Shooters & a Breezer..It cant get more Honest!

There are times, when you randomly introspect, wonder whats wrong with self or right & the judgements of others that ponders you with questions. I am writing this blog to be read when I turn 50.

Movie like Ek Main aur Ekk tu inspired me to introspect. Its been 25 years, I always wondered is if I am among others, am I unique? Or is it that we all live with such illusions. I have always been selfish, wanted things and discarded people at my convenience. Late realization, but every action has a self justified reason.

People still accuse me of being impulsive, Jhalli, pagal, irresponsible and kiddish. I always reply by asking 'Isnt it worth it?' I live life by the moment. Right now, I am just planning my wishlist before 35. Cant think beyond that!

From my childhood I always made decisions which seemed perfect, never thought of consequences, go with the flow, never regret. 1 thing which I have never tolerated is ignorance, be it being a rank student in school, Cultural lead in college, Competitive in placements. Always grabbed attention & fueled the energy. Believed in yash Raj love stories, demanded perfect filmy love story & got it too.

After all this, I sit back and realise I am still right in living for the moment. Decisions which are impulsive are fun & never disappoint you. Demand of being married at 23 to a guy aged 22, both unsure of the career which just began, now still stand strong!

I have been surrounded by people who plan their day, their dreams, their job, their income & some sex life too :). It does disturb how unorganised I am, where I am not even sure I will return home without resigning from job. Today I need career in one field, tomorrow I need freedom. Inspite of this I have people in my life who understands me perfectly & ensures they do not rationalise my irrational behaviour.

It doesnt mean I have lived a perfect life, I too have unfulfilled wishes, few which may or may never come true, on which I shed tears day & night. Curse who do not appreciate what they have. But next day I move on. Thanks god for all the rest he has given.

If I had to rate myself, I would have been the most irresponsible person in any relationship, but as they say or I have heard, you need someone in life who is not You, so that they only Complete You! I found him! I still pity his decision, nevertheless thankful to the stars who played the trick.

Every person grows with a dream, Of all the things during my High School Days I wanted to be a House Wife, later turned into Air Hostess (Fly in the air), then Choreographer(Dance that runs in my veins) ended up  being a struggler in Marketing. Love Job, no regrets but can never be serious!

Dreams are meant to be acquired, conquered and chased. I still do that today, only problem is I dream everyday.

Interaction with different people from different paths of life made me realize each one of us have a hidden character, which emerges only when we want to but exists within.But why pretend? Why not be true to self? Society, ego, pride, status & fear!

I do respect people who have touched my life in any manner, and I do get possessive about their existence but also matured enough to realize when to give up on them

Not sure if I will remain the same after 30 crisis! But do enjoy life as it throws Surprises at you!!


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Dilli Dilwalon ki!

Well..This post was long due...I always had heard and believed that Dilli walahs are arrogant and proud as a Peacock! Probably because I loathe the fact that for every Delhite every south Indian is termed as a Madrasan!

I had my first interaction with Delhi early last year. Thanks to my ex company..My 1st visit to Delhi, I anxiously wanted to explore the city, find out how people are, are they really Snobbish & arrogant? Thousand questions when you are travelling alone for the 1st time. I was excited, nervous and looking forward.

Unfortunately my 1st visit dint allow me to even have a glimpse of Delhi and was spent in the boardroom..But made the visit memorable! I did make a fool of myself when I cried among the men as I was clueless about the happenings..Most embarrassing moment..

That short stay at Delhi, I was still trying to figure out what exactly people mean when they praise or abuse someone at the back. Just left confused.

My recent few visits to Delhi ensured I fell in love with the city & its people. Met people from Virtual world & they appeared to be great hosts, ensured I was comfortable & never called me Madrasan. Meeting random people from different paths of life gives a better picture of the culture of the city than company perspective.

I laughed, shared secrets, bitched about others but had a great time. Down the lane when I look back, I am sure I will cherish the memories Delhi has provided me. Yes there are times when I could still find streaks of mystery in few people I encountered in Delhi, they still remain Mystery, but I assume its an exception. As they say, carry the positivity, negativity is everywhere and it doesn't need to be carried around with memories.

I was surprised I could share the deepest secrets with the strangers whom I hardly know, but realized the Delhites are blessed with a talent of taking over the conversation and make anyone comfortable to converse with.. The unsaid & rumored illusions about safety in the city took a back seat & I thoroughly enjoyed every moment spent. I just went ahead with instincts and with the flow of the moment.

There are differences, being a South Indian - every person encountered during life is a part of your life, your relationship, and gradually you assume that you know them. But Delhi made me realize, you meet, you greet, you talk, you move on. Relationships with the person you encountered are not mandatory, the encounter & the actions evolved out of it was just a spur of the moment. No Strings Attached.

Better late than ever, move on with the memory to cherish & never regret things which made you smile once. Enjoy the life when it provides you with opportunities to live for!